I'm not alone anymore
by shiny teeth and me
Summary: After she rejoined the team as a spy, Beast Boy makes Terra regret working for Slade. A lot.


_"It's hard to be alone."_

She didn't know where it came from, who said it, and why—didn't even know if it was the correct wording—, but she _did _know it was true. _Too _true. Living all by herself in a cave was almost unbearable; nobody to talk to, nobody to joke with, nobody to distract her from the worries plaguing her brain day and night. Left on her own, these troubled thoughts had the power to devour her; consume her and her entire world. They told her what a waste of space she was. Let her know that she couldn't possibly do anything good. That she was alone because she deserved it. They wrapped their mucky fingers around her and squeezed her and choked her until she couldn't even cry anymore.

She'd _tried _to meet people, traveled around, but, everywhere she went, the results were the same. Earthquakes. Landslides. Volcanic eruptions. Tsunamis. People frightened by her, despising her, betraying her, breaking her heart. Eventually, she'd given up on making friends. It was a privilege she would never be worthy of. Instead, she just watched from afar—groups of people laughing and bonding—and ached for what they have. Yearned for someone she could trust. Someone who would be there for her despite her dangerous powers and listen to her vent, maybe try and help her. Someone who actually _cared _about her. Someone to wrap their arms around her and hold her tightly whenever she needed comforting. Someone to elicit laughter from her; brighten her day and divert her attention away from her conscience.

Her desperate mind had subconsciously created such a person. It wasn't anyone substantial with a face. Just an entity that visited her in her dreams now and then as she cuddled a rock. She was sure it was going to _stay_ imaginary.

But then she met Beast Boy.

_"Hey, **TERRA**!"_

The perky voice shocked her into shifting her hands. Which would've been fine _if she wasn't currently in the process of pouring coke into a glass_. **SHIT! **She swore under her breath while hurriedly veering the bottle into a standing position, vaguely aware of a rather high-pitched screech from behind her. The sight that awaited her when she turned around with a huff, irritation pursing furiously in the pit of her stomach, wasn't at all surprising.

Beast Boy's arms were flapping like a bird's and his eyes had grown to the size of dinner plates for a split second before realization sunk in. And then, along with a relieved breath that sounded a lot like "_phew", _he'd dropped his entire body rather dramatically. Like an inflated balloon someone had just struck with a pin. He was adorable. And it was impossible to be mad at him. A smile turned into a giggle and then a full-fledged laugh, as though Beast Boy scaring her into spilling her coke was the funniest experience of Terra's day. The frustration sizzling inside her half a second ago had drifted away at the sight of him, replaced with amusement. It was an effect Beast Boy normally had on her; warped even the worst experiences into something enjoyable.

And the guilt at the mess he'd caused—coke puddled on the table, dripping off the sides, forging a sticky layer on the wood and the ground—had evaporated because of her laugh. A proud, toothy grin overtook his face for a few seconds until he joined in the laughter and then they were both laughing for who-knows-how-long; like two maniacs that were put in contact with laughing gas. When they managed to calm down, Beast Boy was the first to speak. "So the Titans wanna go to that pizza place, you gonna come with?" He wiggled his eyebrows as he added "I got lots of really funny jokes." As if she needed bribing.

That caused a giggle to strike the girl again for a second or so before she folded her arms onto her sides and threw him a smile. "Lets see. Pizza and 'really funny jokes'," she began slowly, as though she was taking time to consider it. "I think I'm in!"

Yep. He was slowly making her regret her decision to work for Slade.

The only reason she'd accepted that man's offer in the first place was the loneliness and longing for someone, _anyone, _to help her. And the feeling of betrayal Beast Boy had caused. She remembered trusting him with her secret, even if her instincts were telling her not to, because it was _Beast Boy. _Because he was adorable and hilarious and perfect and actually seemed to _care _about her. Because he had crashed through her walls like they were nonexistent before she'd even realized what he was doing and made it impossible for her not to give him a chance. But then he'd gone and told on her—twisted her worst nightmare into something real—and it _stung_. Like something had pounded, squeezed and ripped through her chest until she felt a choking sensation so strong, she could barely breath or think or make a sound; just cry. And run. So that's what she did. Ran and cried, not even caring about where she was heading. Not even thinking about where she was heading. Not even _thinking. _All her focus was on getting away. Her vision was blurred, her heart pounded painfully and, god, _ached_ like it was wounded and bleeding.

Then Slade had entered.

She was hurt and at her weakest, at her most easily-influenced, and he'd taken advantage of that. Promised to help her. Told her things. Until, soon after training with the man, the girl had joined the Titans fully hating them and intending to bring them down.

But Beast Boy...he was warming into her heart again. Slower than before, but it was definitely happening. If she took time to think about it, she would realize that there was no way she could possibly hurt him now. _If. _She was too scared to ponder over such things.

"Oh! Oh! I got a good one," he began excitedly, bouncing a little in his seat at the pizza parlor. "What dog keeps the best time?"

"What?" she asked.

"A _watch_ _dog_!" And as groans and cries of outrage filled the air, the green changeling began cackling at his own joke. And Terra giggled. She honestly could _not _understand the Titan's distaste for Beast Boy's sense of humor. Sure, it wasn't the absolute _funniest _thing, but it was funny enough. Not to mention adorable.

"I'm here to _eat. _Not _throw up_," was said by Raven with an utterly bored expression on her face.

"Oh, c'mon, Raven, you _know _my jokes are funny—"

"Your _'jokes' _are nothing short of annoying," she replied with a roll of her eyes. "But if you _stop, _you may just see me smile." _That _seemed to do it. Everyone else, with the exception of Terra and Beast Boy, suddenly burst into laughter as murmurs of agreement were passed around. One look at Beast Boy's crestfallen face, however much he was struggling to act apathetic, though, was enough to send rage cutting through Terra.

"Nice to know I'm the only one other than Beast Boy with a good sense of humor around here." She smacked her napkin down on the table with force and pushed herself up until she was glaring angrily down at everyone. Most people would say she was overreacting, but that was the last thing on her mind then. A fierce roar raved in her chest and she could feel her face burning.

Starfire, Robin, Cyborg and Beast Boy's jaws fell agape, their eyes large and round with shock and confusion, but Raven's expression remained mostly the same, save for an arched eyebrow. "Is that supposed to mean something?"

If anything, her question had actually made Terra _more _mad. "_Yes_," she snapped back firmly. "There's such a thing as being _considerate_, you know?"

That seemed to do it. Raven's brows angled sharply and when she spoke, she lashed out through clinched teeth. It was pretty clear that she was struggling to keep calm and maybe if Terra wasn't furious herself, she would've actually cared. Alas, though. "If he wants me to be nice, he shouldn't be annoying me while I'm _trying _to eat. Simple." _  
_

Before Terra could respond, though, Robin cut in hastily. "Uh...guys? Why don't we just...eat?"

She was in her room, staring blankly at her laptop screen, when he knocked. The noise shocked her into the present and she hurriedly slammed the computer shot before moving to answer the door.

It opened to reveal Beast Boy, his face a mixture of confusion, anxiety and..._something _else. Something Terra couldn't quite make out. His eyes were focused in the general direction of her, but clearly not _at _her, and he kept shuffling his feet nervously. "Hi."

"Hi..."

"Y'know you didn't have to do that, right? I-" his voice suddenly grew quiet, almost like he didn't want to hear himself, as his eyes dropped to his shoes, "I know I'm not funny. It's okay."

...Was this _really _Beast Boy? Not only was he not _acting _like his joyous, free-spirited self—almost _distressed _over something—, but there was also his voice. He was talking like his own words were _hurting _him. It was slightly weak and wobbly and carried hints of uneasiness, as though Beast Boy was struggling to sound okay when he really wasn't. It slashed at Terra's heart and she found herself swallowing thickly in reply. "Well _I _think you're funny, so guess you're wrong, huh?" She _tried _to sound lighthearted, even forced a smile, but failed. Utterly _failed._ He was scaring her. "C'mon in!"

Beast Boy hesitated, his eyes just bearing into the wall opposite for a moment before he slowly walked into her room like he wasn't sure if he should or not. He stopped just on the other end of the door for a second or so, body tense and distraught, and Terra wondered if he was going to simply turn around and dart off, but, nope. The boy merely sprung quickly to the couch and thew himself onto it. He had on a sudden grin and was shifting around merrily, testing the comfort of the furniture. A complete 180 degrees turn around in mood. It was like the strangely-distressed boy was never there. "Sweet couch! Wayyy comfier than it looks."

"Thanks," she replied awkwardly. "It was just here when I moved in..."

A pause.

"So you don't think you're funny?"

"Wah?"

"You said you didn't think you were funny..."

"Oh...uhhh..." His grin seemed to grow forced as his eyes darted around, considering the room like it held all the answers, for a second or so until they swiftly snapped towards Terra. "Yknow, this one time, I knew this one dude who wanted to make-up his mind..." and then he paused dramatically, clearly so the punch line would hit hard. "..._So he put lipstick on his forehead_!" Beast Boy's cackling suddenly broke through the air like it always did after a joke, except that Terra could sense a very, _very_, almost nonexistent, hint of forcefulness. She wondered if it had always been there and she hadn't noticed it because she wasn't studying him as hard or if it was just this one time. Or if she was mistaken. "...Getit? Cause he's so _stupid_!"

She'd got the punch line, of course. Would've even laughed if it was a normal situation, but it most certainly _wasn't__. _The joke was pretty out of place and what she _didn't _understand was _why_ he was—

It hit her.

Pierced through her, actually.

It wasn't just the timing that was off, it was also the _joke. _Beast Boy's jokes were usually simple knock-knock ones or chicken-crossed-the-street ones or why/what ones. This one seemed...personal. A dude he knew? Wanted to make-up his mind? When _Beast Boy _was asked a question? _Almost like he was talking about himself. _Almost like he was mocking _himself, _calling _himself _stupid. Almost like he was trying to tell her something, but in the form of a joke, because...because he was Beast Boy. Because he couldn't face it in a serious manner. He just _had _to laugh at himself. And in third person too—like he wasn't _really _talking about himself. Probably because it was less painful that way. Actually _bearable_.

This all washed over her like a powerful wave, nearly knocking her off her feet, and she felt her heart drop. Painfully. She swallowed thickly and took a deep, calming breath before she trusted her voice enough to speak. Maybe she was over-analyzing. Letting her mind wander too much. Maybe it was _supposed_ to be nothing but a joke. To be on the safe side..."Well if I got it right, the dude's far from stupid. Creative, maybe. Probably lots of fun too. Stupid? Nah!"

He stared at her for what seemed like forever—but was probably nothing longer than a few seconds—, a hint of a knowing smile playing on his lips. "You don't know him like I do."

Oh.

"Well...I'll _like _to. You should introduce him to me sometime."

He didn't answer. Just looked around the room again—anywhere but at Terra—until his eyes finally settled on the ground. "Y'know, nobody's done that before..."

"Done what before?"

"Saw me as something other than the comic relief guy." He looked up with a twinkle in his eyes and a big toothy grin, "probably cause I'm too funny." And, as he made a goofy face, she couldn't help but giggle. "See?" The grin vanished. His eyes dropped once again. And his fingers began twiddling on his lap. "But doesn't make me any less a character soooo...it's why I came here. To say thanks."

"No need to thank me, Beast Boy. You're my friend." A pause. "Right?"

"'Course, I am!"

_Friend._

_He was her friend. _

When Beast Boy left, she sat down by her laptop and opened it tentatively to reveal the information she was typing up...what seemed like hours ago. But was really nothing longer than a couple minutes. No. She couldn't. She absolutely _couldn't _continue doing this. She was having second thoughts for a while now, ever since she'd joined the team and met Beast Boy again, but now? Now, she was _sure. _She...it was strange, but the degree to which she cared about the green changeling seemed to double after the conversation they just had. He was no longer just a goofy yet adorable boy, but broken. And real. And she felt like she related to him more than she ever thought she did. It was strange because, really, she hadn't learned much about him, but she _wanted _to. Very much.

_He was her friend. _

_Her **friend**._

_And she was his. _

No, she'd decided, _definitely _decided, that she wasn't about to hurt him.

She wasn't about to lose him.

_No._

She was going to go and talk to Slade and tell him she wasn't doing this anymore.

With a firm, determined expression hardening her face, she began typing a message to him. Hoping. Completely unaware that it wasn't going to work.


End file.
